Breaking The Cycle of Rejection

There’s not an adult around who hasn’t ever been dumped. If they say that they haven’t…they’re lying (or are the one always doing the rejecting – which is a whole other blog post).

We’ve all been there and it just plain sucks.

But, some of us have experienced being the dumpee, more than others. Fortunately, this crazy cycle doesn’t have to continue. However, it may take some tough personal introspection to get to the bottom of what’s going on and make a course correction.

I found a great article in Psychology Today that discusses how to break the cycle of being dumped and what sort of self-work might be necessary to move past the issues causing this to happen.  Here’s a great quote:

“Without self-understanding and acknowledgement that your history contributes to your cycle of rejection, it can seem like you’re just unable to hold a partner—you fall back into a relationship until eventually the cycle repeats and your partner leaves again. And, of course, this experience reinforces the deeply held belief that you’re unlovable, which keeps you trapped in this cycle.

Let’s work to break cycles like this. Each time it happens, your self esteem…your soul…takes a hit.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few common situations that might cause someone to unintentionally push away their partners or be dumped. Do you think that you struggle with any of these?

  1. Is your current partner having to pay for the sins of past partners?
  2. Are your needs within your relationship unreasonable? 
  3. Are you needy, clingy or struggle to stand on your own two feet?
  4. Do you have insecurities or other voids in your life that you believe someone else should fulfill?
  5. Do you have negative scenarios from your childhood are perhaps making you attracted to negative scenarios as an adult?

Unfortunately, books and movies often help to perpetuate a lot of relationship misconceptions. Who can forget the bogus “You complete me” line in Jerry McGuire?

No one else can really “complete” you. You complete you. We each have to solve our own array of personal challenges. Just being aware of your issues and stumbling blocks is really the first step.  So, really take some time and see if there are any common scenarios in your past relationships. Or, if you have been unhappy with the same thing in many of your past relationships. These commonalities might help you to get to the bottom of what’s going on.

Many people walk through life unaware of or unwilling to see their part in their own struggles. But, once the realization of what’s really is going on takes place, once someone takes ownership of their own role in their struggles and starts to love them-self…BOOM! Doors start opening.

I believe that the opportunity to work on yourself and your ability to be self aware never ends. The more you’re willing to do it, the more your world will open up around you.

Photo credit: Butterflysha Flicker page



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Categories: Tips


I'm a married publicist who holds a Master's degree in psychology, with a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy. I'd like to make the world a better relationship at a time.

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