Don’t Miss Out On The Right Relationship By Settling For Mr. Wrong

Are you so desperate to be in love, to have a partner that you would overlook important character traits, behaviors or treatment in order to seal the deal? In other words, would you settle for less than you really want or deserve? And, an even better question is…would you recognize if you were in fact compromising your values and long-term happiness by saying yes to less in love?

In looking into this quesiton, I came across this interesting article on entitled, Please Don’t Settle For Us.  In the article the author pleads with women to set and mantain standards and says:

We want you to marry us because you love us, not because we’re better than the alternative of ending up as a crazy cat lady. So do us a favor: Please don’t  settle for us.

Guys don’t want to be second best…they also don’t want to find out a few years from now that they will always come up lacking in your eyes through no fault of their own. Men tell you who they are…it’s our job to listen and assess how they fit with our lives and hopes for the future (and men, same thing in the reverse). If you ignore or turn a blind-eye to traits that won’t work for you in the long-term…that’s on you.

Keep your eyes peeled…Here are 4 reasons why people might settle:

1. Low Self Esteem – This is a big one. So often we unintentionally let how we feel about ourselves guide our biggest life decisions.  As an example when you have a low self esteem you’ll settle for relationships  that are less than healthy because you don’t believe you’re worthy of someone  better.  What if you woke up at age 80 and realized that your own self-loathing prevented you from experiencing real love? Such a tragedy!

2. Comfort – Settling because you’re comfortable is a dangerous place. You  don’t even feel the negative effects until it’s too late. When you’re  comfortable you stop growing and in nature the facts are if you’re not growing  you’re dying. You may not see it right away but comfort can be the silent  killer. An example would be someone who takes for granted their partner in a  relationship until it’s too late.

3. Beliefs – If you challenge your current beliefs you’re the minority. People hold fast to their  beliefs. They fear change because that means leaving behind a part of themselves that they believe is their identity. (Which means they would have to challenge  their current beliefs.) It’s their belief of what their about they don’t want to  lose. They would rather be right than  enrich their life.

4. Fear – This is the root of settling. If there had to be a grandfather of it  all it would be fear. People settle because they are afraid. When you let fear and anxiety rule your life – it’s a life half-lived.  Don’t choose a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone. Or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better. Or because you’re afraid you’re not good enough to attract someone who’s nuts about the real,  true you. Be strong, not scared!  Give yourself more credit…you’re a tough cookie and you know  you’re meant for more, so don’t let fear make decisions for you.

People will often sabotage their own happiness because they don’t acknowledge their core beliefs or they don’t ever get to know themselves enough to determine their needs and stand up for them. They settle because, frankly, it’s so much easier.

Just like in those old “choose your own adventure” books from when we were kids…the key here is that life is a series of decisions. If you don’t get what you want or need…it’s likely because you made a poor choice. Settling is essentially a sign that you’re pessimestic about your future. Please spend some time thinking about what kind of life you really want..and dont settle for less.

So…do the doubts and fears you have about yourself negatively impact your ability to have a great relationship?

Photo credit:Elmo H. Love’s Flickr photostream

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I'm a married publicist who holds a Master's degree in psychology, with a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy. I'd like to make the world a better relationship at a time.

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7 Comments on “Don’t Miss Out On The Right Relationship By Settling For Mr. Wrong”

  1. adalamar
    January 17, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    In the past I can see how I settled for the wrong relationship. It was not fair to me or my partner and had bad results. I have learned the hard way not to ever settle for less than the relationship you want. When you hold out for what you really want, you are much happier than you ever could have been settling. Great post!

    • January 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

      It’s really hard. Sometimes you don’t even realize that you’ve settled until you have an ephiphany of some sort. Then you just can’t believe what you’ve put up with and then your mind is further blown when you ARE in a great relationship and you think, “I’m so glad I didn’t settle for less, I would have missed THIS.” 🙂

  2. January 18, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    You write the best blogs. I always enjoy reading them and I always learn something. Thanks for sharing. T

  3. January 25, 2012 at 3:11 am #

    Perfect, my Dear! self esteem is essential to finding and keeping the right man. And Toads tend to prey on you if you show low self-esteem. They block you from finding the person you are meant for. Thank you – As Always – for giving your time to share these thoughts.

    • January 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

      So glad you are a fellow Toad Kicker…lol. Here’s to a year of finding princes!


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