Singles: Rock the Holidays!

Here come the holidays.

For just about everyone this is a time of stress, exhaustion and too many sweets. But, if you are in-between relationships there are a whole different set of challenges and frustrations. Whether tired of all the family questions about your marital status, sick of your Aunt Judy trying to set you up with her daughter’s elementary school teacher or just sad about spending a holiday solo….today, I want to share some ideas for how you can turn the holiday blues on their head and see this as a season of big opportunites… Here goes:

  • Don’t dread holiday parties – flip the dialogue and try to see all the holiday parties and events as an opportunity to circulate MORE. Maybe set a goal to – make one new friend, go to absolutely everything you’re invited to, meet one new guy or maybe make eye-contact/smile at 10 eligible men. Use the season to set a simple goal or challenge for yourself and take a step out beyond your comfort zone.
  • We all get sick of everyone asking when you’re going to get married…so make the most of your time at home. Observe the relationships in your family life – what did they teach you about love and relationships? What types of relationships are in your life? Do you want to be like them or opposite of them? Can you identify any family dynamics that have damaged you or that hold you back? Use the time to take stock of yourself and identify any patterns you need to be aware of or fix so you can have a healthy relationship in 2012.
  • Stop thinking about “poor me” and start thinking of other people. Often getting outside of ourselves can make a profound difference in our outlook. Volunteer–it’s the best depression-buster. Donate your time at a shelter, food pantry, soup kitchen, domestic violence center – so many people really need YOU and your help. So many people have it a whole lot worse than we do, so step out of your comfort zone and give back.  Plus, who knows who you might meet? (PS – If your depression won’t lift, please do go see your doctor.)
  • Consider that the glass is half full. It’s been proven, people who practice gratitude can increase their levels of happiness by as much as 25%. Do you appreciate what you DO have in your life or are you always lamenting what’s missing? Practice switching your outlook to begin a fresh new year focusing on how lucky you are to: be healthy, to have so many great friends, to have a great job that allows you to pay your bills, that you have great hair…you name it! If you believe that what you think about, you create (I do!) you don’t want to be bringing negative stuff into your life by focusing on lack. Start believing that the things you want are on their way to you. (Read The Secret if you haven’t already…)
  • Set goals for next year! I’m sure you don’t want next year to just be a repeat of this year….so what are YOU going to do to make it different? Please don’t wish your life away…be an active participant in getting what you want most. Stop waiting to do all those things you are saving to do with a significant other – start doing them! Build the best, most happy life you can – you’ll be shocked at how that shift brings great new things to you. People like being around happy people…so embace your life and make it what you most want it to be, that’s the surest way to attract someone to you.

So, yes…traditionally, holiday time is the most ego-eroding of seasons for singles – but it doesn’t have to be. What are you going to do to take the most advantage of what the holidays have to offer? Share your ideas and resolutions here with us…

Photo credit: Shandi-lee’s Flickr photostream     


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Categories: Tips


I'm a married publicist who holds a Master's degree in psychology, with a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy. I'd like to make the world a better relationship at a time.

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8 Comments on “Singles: Rock the Holidays!”

  1. December 13, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    Kristin, I especially love the idea of observing the relationships that surround you! We really do learn so much about ourselves from the energy we surround ourselves with. Powerful suggestion! Thanks. Works really well for the married folks as well 🙂

    • December 16, 2011 at 2:58 am #

      Hi MTK!
      It’s so true. The relationships around us – especially in our own families – shape what we attract and accept as adults. The key is awareness and recognition of the patterns around us….

  2. adalamar
    December 13, 2011 at 4:23 pm #

    Very good post! I have always enjoyed the holidays by myself and, if I am not dating anyone by mid October, avoid being in a relationships until after the holidays. The reason is that I always love being single around the holidays because I get to do, see and go what I want.

    When single, you don’t have to worry about going to some else’s holiday party, because they need to bring a date, and slush around in the cold, talking to people you do not know and may not see again. Nor do you have to worry about the whole gift exchange. While I love giving gifts…if you have not been dating that long, the gift exchange can a a bit akward. What do you get them? How much is appropriate to spend in relation to how long you have been dating?

    When single at Christmas you can induldge in your favorite holiday movies without any guilt. It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, The Sound of Music, A Christmas Story, and so many more. You can cry when you watch them and not worry either. Long nights of reading favorite books by the fire, while sipping naughty hot chocolate (hot chocolate with Bailey’s), warm and cozy wrapped in a blanket.

    • December 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

      I love your take on being single during the holidays! Wish I could “like” your comment =]

    • December 16, 2011 at 3:03 am #

      Totally agree Adalamar. I love your comment!

      I generally agree with postponing seeking someone new until January. It’s just too much pressure starting a new relationship around the holidays!

      That said, I did meet my husband online in November and we had our first date the first week of December. The key for us was taking things one step at a time…instant relationships starting during the holidays often freak people out. So we just dated and took things slowly (no major gifts when you don’t know someone very long!) Maybe a card or something small and whimsical works.

  3. December 14, 2011 at 12:41 am #

    I want to resolve to do some things for other people. Then I think some of mine will just fall into place. (Possibly flawed thinking, but it’s working for me at the moment).

  4. December 14, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    The best thing about being single during the holidays is spending time with friends and meeting new people at holiday parties. It’s as easy as changing the way you look at things. Instead of letting yourself feel lonely, enjoy the time you have and take the opportunity to meet new people (yes, there are other singles at holiday parties!)

  5. December 16, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    This is my first Holiday season alone in a while. But – it is the first one that I haven’t really been bothered by being single. It’s an odd sort of feeling for me and I am in a pretty crappy position money wise and all that -but overall I am just cool with it. I like d this post it is a good reminder that there is nothing wrong with people who are single during this time and there is plenty to do to fill time that you might spend missing someone you were with. I like the tip about looking at your other relationships too. I did this a few months back, really took the time to see what was going on. I realized some of the things I did that were destructive were just because that’s what I was taught by default. I have freed up a lot of brain space and i am lonely but I would rather stay single until I feel strong enough to be part of a couple again instead of looking for my strength as a couple. My stress level is also much lower even though my life situation is less than ideal. Anyways, I ramble but thank you. If I catch the blues from being alone I will remember these things.
    🙂 Peace

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