Liar Liar Pants On Fire…

Are you a liar? Of course you are…

Everyone lies. But, there are little lies and then there are BIG lies.

Sometimes people tell little lies because telling the truth conflicts with something else they value — like being compassionate, loyal or reassuring. Maybe they are trying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Maybe they think that the other person isn’t in a good place emotionally to hear a difficult truth.

On the flip side, BIG lies are never good for relationships of any kind. Did you know that according to research, the most serious lies are told by and to the people who are closest to us? And, that the most often told BIG lie is about having an affair?

According to Bella DePaulo’s book Behind the Door of Deceit: Understanding the Biggest Liars in Our Lives, in non-married romantic relationships, people lie in one out of every three conversations. However, with  a spouse, they lie in one out of every 10 conversations. So, do people become more honest as they become more serious about the relationship, or are they just more honest with the person they eventually marry?

I confess to telling little lies on occasion, but I don’t believe in telling or tolerating the BIG kind. What about you?

Do you think that you could go a week without telling any lies at all?

To learn more, read the full article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200910/do-relationships-need-lies-survive

Photo credit: alancleaver_2000’s Flickr photostream

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Categories: Discussion

Author:coupletastic

I'm a married publicist who holds a Master's degree in psychology, with a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy. I'd like to make the world a better place...one relationship at a time.

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13 Comments on “Liar Liar Pants On Fire…”

  1. Kate
    November 3, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    I love your blog!

    • November 9, 2011 at 3:29 am #

      Thanks so much, Kate! Have I mentioned lately how awesome you are? 😉

  2. November 3, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    I could go months without telling a lie. That doesn’t mean anything, of course. It just means there’s really nothing important that ‘s happening in my life that I can lie about. If someone asks me how I’m doing, and I say I’m doing okay , I don’t think I was lying even if at that time, I was feeling bad that I got an unexpectedly low grade in an exam. (^o^)#

    Greetings from California.

  3. November 3, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    Hi Ren!
    I don’t really think it counts as lying to say you’re ok when you’re feeling blue. So you’re in the clear there. 😉 Good luck with school, I know you will do great!

  4. November 3, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

    I hate lying and can’t be in a relationship with a liar, and am pretty good at finding out the truth. I once had a bf that told me he had cancer. I found out he didn’t, what he did have was a rather serious crack-cocaine problem. 😛
    I don’t like white lies either very much, although I am sure I told a few to keep from hurting someone’s feelings (but still I feel guilty). could I go a week? maybe!
    I think also, in some cases non- disclosure is lying (and I don’t mean in the cheating way). There’s a fine line. For example if your partner is still sleeping in your bed and has serious reservations about your relationship – and doesn’t say anything? This to me is lying.

  5. November 3, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    I’m a pretty honest person.. everything is black and white for me. So when it comes to big lies.. you won’t hear me tell a lie. I’ll tell you how it is and face whatever the consequences are.

    I do however see nothing wrong with small white lies if it spares someone’s feelings.. or keeps you from getting in trouble at work.. “Sorry I was late, there was an accident on the highway”. hehe 😉

  6. November 4, 2011 at 2:02 am #

    Cakes:
    Who the heck are these men? I mean…who tells someone they have cancer when they don’t?? Seriously??

    I do agree that omission can be considered lying in many cases….people think it’s a loophole, but it’s not. When you’re found omitting pertinent information you look like just as big a jackass as if you were found to be outright lying…

  7. November 4, 2011 at 2:03 am #

    Tam:
    Hey, sometimes stretching the truth can come in handy to cover your ass… 🙂

  8. November 4, 2011 at 12:38 pm #

    Cheers! i did a blogpost draft about thatbut I never posted. It was the the ‘na-na-na-guy’ –
    I let his exaggeration slide, but maybe I shouldn’t have. what do you think??? – here it is….

    ”If you put an ad on a dating website for the more serious-minded relationship status quo, and you put as your occupation ‘Property-Developer’ when you actually technically were an overseas ESL teacher – now without teaching work and your current job is construction worker, and you just happened to buy your grandmother’s house which is in a state of ruin for which you start a renovation- now does that make you a ‘Property Developer?’ Literally because you bought a property and are developing it – by re-building the walls and planting a vegetable garden?”
    “Maybe it’s my fault trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, taking it all too lightly, and being too blind to see what was really there. He wasn’t building condos, toting a leather briefcase, driving around in a Mercedes, overseeing job-sites, meeting with financiers, builders and facilitating various permits. Was I wrong to have that pre-fab ideal? Was the fact that he didn’t fit that mold – a red-light?”

    • November 9, 2011 at 3:30 am #

      Totally agree…he’s no property developer…well, maybe except in his own head….
      That don’t impress me much…lol

  9. November 9, 2011 at 2:30 am #

    Oh my goodness, I’m totally going through this with my boyfriend right now! It’s not that he is telling those huge lies, but today he told a little one and I guess it was in my nature to make it a big deal. If there is one thing I haven’t tolerated in a relationship, it’s a liar, because if they can lie about the little things,who’s to say they aren’t or won’t about the big ones. Anyway, I also write about relationships and would love for you to check out my blog and let me know what you think!

    Great post!
    http://prettyiinpink.wordpress.com

    • November 9, 2011 at 3:32 am #

      I can abide white lies or saying something to protect someone’s feelings, but something said to deceive or mislead should not be tolerated….
      I really like your blog. I look forward to following it!

      • November 12, 2011 at 3:17 am #

        Thanks a lot! Please comment and vote! Let me know what you think!

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