Are You “That Girl”?

Come on, you all know “that girl”….there’s at least one in every group of friends. She’s the one who gives other women a bad rap.

The kind of girl that ruins good men for other women because after dating them the guy is eternally afraid that every girl they next meet will be “psycho” too? Ugh… I hate “that girl.”

The saddest thing about “that girl” is that she has no idea that she actually is “that girl.” She really is well intended, and all she wants is the same thing everyone else ultimately wants…for someone to love her. The problem comes within her method of trying to get to that love.

So, are YOU “that girl”? Here are some potential signs that you may be…

  • Are you a crier? Do you dissolve into tears or have a tantrum every time you don’t get your way with your boyfriend?
  • Do you imagine the potential in a guy so much that it blinds you from accurately seeing who they really are? Do you decide that he’s “the one” nearly right away? Sometimes women get blinded by the potential a guy has to be a great (boyfriend, husband, father). And this determination is usually derrived from very little actual data…more like a gut feeling…which may turn out to be faulty once you actually get to know the person.
  • Do you try to rush the relationship to commitment?  While relationships are certainly two-way streets, the last thing you want to do is push a guy into committing to you. He will eventually wake up and resent you for it later.
  • Are you irrationally jealous and insecure? Do you see shadows around every corner? Do you try to test men’s loyalty to see if they will stick around? Do you just know he’s cheating…despite having no evidence of this supposed fact. Do you call, text or stalk to find out what he’s doing or who he’s with? Do you cyberstalk?
  • Are you an attention whore? Can you be away from your guy for one day without initiating some form of contact? Do you interrupt him talking to others because you want him to pay attention to you?

If you checked yes to more than one of the above, you might be “that girl.” And you really don’t want to be “that girl” I assure you…”that girl” rarely gets and keeps the guy.

What do you think are other “that girl” behaviors to avoid? Share them below…

Photo credit: melloveschallah’s Flickr photostream


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Categories: Tips


I'm a married publicist who holds a Master's degree in psychology, with a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy. I'd like to make the world a better relationship at a time.

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15 Comments on “Are You “That Girl”?”

  1. October 28, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    Whew. I’m not that girl … I used to be a whiner and a foot stomper in my 20s, then I gave up that strategy when all I heard back was “do you want some cheese with that whine?” Oh men …

  2. Kate
    October 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    Eek! I’m that girl! So now what.? HELPME

  3. October 29, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    Oh Kate…I bet you’re not really “that girl”….

    But the one thing I will say about “that girl”…she isn’t able to trust. She just can’t:
    – Trust herself to survive whatever life throws her way
    – Trust herself to say yes to good things and no to lame things
    – Trust men do the right thing without being told what to do
    – Trust the process of dating to reveal everything she needs to know to evaluate whether someone is worthy of her.

    The silver lining is that I believe that just about everyone figures this stuff out eventually. Some need more of a kick in the pants than others though…having good, honest and supportive friends helps. 🙂

  4. Really!?
    October 31, 2011 at 9:54 pm #

    Sigh of relief here too! I’m not ‘that girl’. I’ve seen that it’s easy to become that girl when overcome with Love. Ah, love is so amazing, right?
    Good, honest friends are indeed the foundation of life. 🙂

  5. November 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    In the past I’ve had tendencies of ‘that girl’ 😦
    I do know that over the years that I have learned a lot about myself and what I want out of my relationship. I now need to battle the green eye monster of jealousy and insecurity. I need to believe my bf in philly is not cheating on me (i live in ct). Please Help!

  6. Kim
    November 2, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    When I was dating (I’m married now), I wasn’t “that girl”–but I DEFINITELY wasted time being infatuated with who I thought a guy was rather than taking the time to LEARN who he was. Then I’d be disappointed by his behavior–“That isn’t like him!”–if I had just taken the time to let him SHOW ME who he was rather than making assumptions. I wouldn’t have invested so much in “go nowhere” situations. Like you said, I figured it out eventually–and in time to meet my husband.

  7. November 3, 2011 at 2:09 am #

    Hi. Emmy,
    Long distance relationships are so hard! But ultimately I think that we all have no choice but to trust the person we are dating…until it’s proven that we shouldn’t. Sometimes we can manufacture things to be jealous about because of our own insecurities. So…unless there are signs that he’s with someone else…trust until shown otherwise. Have you seen any signs?

    That said, don’t be blind…if your gut is telling you that something is wrong, it usually is. So listen to your gut…

    If you want to discuss more, post more details and we can weigh what you’re dealing with…

  8. November 3, 2011 at 2:20 am #


    I was the same way until I realized one day when talking to a friend that we were falling “in love” with a guy’s potential….not actually with the guy himself. And, do you know why? Because he was a total stranger….lol! We really had not idea if he was a good person or not.

    It’s like when you are 3 months into a relationship and you are puzzled why the person you are dating is acting like a jerk. You think, “Why is this wonderful person being such a jackass….” Well, it’s because he probably was a jerk, but everyone puts their best foot forward during the first three months of dating…so he kept his jerkiness hidden…until it leaked out. 🙂

  9. A_Commentary_On
    November 10, 2011 at 7:37 pm #

    I’m learning so much!!! This is a great read. Love the blog.

  10. November 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

    This is so true, being in a long distance relationship requires alot of trust. I read that and I am sort of that girl, only because of the rare moments we get time together, but I don’t show it, I just feel a bit resentful when one of us says goodbye, and I didn’t really do or say what I was hoping to…

  11. December 1, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

    From the other side of the fence….A man is not a project to be fixed. His character and personality will show and if you get to know his strengths and faults you can make a better choice. Don’t listen to his sweet words…check out his actions. If he treats others badly, watch out. If he doesn’t let you disagree, or demands your complete loyalty, that’s a red flag. It’s only fair that he treat you like a queen if you treat him like a king. If you give your best he will probably be motivated to give you his best. If either one of you is selfish, inconsiderate, controlling, overly jealous, untrusting, etc. then be careful. I would recommend you look for his good qualities first, even writing them down, before looking for the bad. It takes two to make one solid couple. Loving someone is often hard work. Loving unconditionally is very difficult. Done correctly love doesn’t fail and lasts a lifetime. But that takes commitment from both of you.

  12. adalamar
    December 2, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Very haooy I am not that girl, and thanks for the tips on how to stay that way!

  13. December 2, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    Well….I am very glad to say that I am NOT “that girl” and I hope I never become her. I do know of females like that but I have to say I don’t have any friends that fit that category.

  14. December 5, 2011 at 2:44 am #

    I’d love to see a post on “That Guy”…the one who only dates “That Girl” and then complains to all of his friends that she’s crazy or dumb, but either stays with her, or breaks up with her just to move on to the next one just like her. Otherwise known as the Commitment-Phobe Guy.


  1. Top 5 Most Popular Posts | Couple-tastic! - February 22, 2012

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